After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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