There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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