It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
