one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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