***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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