we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
