hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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