This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
