Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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