at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize