I wish I could teleport
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
