My sheets look like a crime scene.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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