so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize