I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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