She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
