tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
