Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
