Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
