I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
