When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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