thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
