and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize