All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
