btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
