I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize