Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
