I wish i was in the wii world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
