She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
