Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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