garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
