Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
