I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
