she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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