i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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