You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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