Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize