There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
