I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
