So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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