Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
