I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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