well you can't waste a boner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
