Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
