you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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