She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
