all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come on in and take your pants off
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