oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
