Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
