Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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