oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
