bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
