FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just made my gag reflex go away.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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