and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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