mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
