In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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