I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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