wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
