I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
