Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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