My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
