hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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