my phone needs a breathalizer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just invented taco cereal.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize