I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
