wat bout pragnant strippers??
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
