3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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