I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In America we eat man semen.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
