I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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