oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
