Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
