he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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