At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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