I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
