I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
