I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
