He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
