I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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