How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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