The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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