hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
