Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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