Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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