good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well you can't waste a boner
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
