kristin has been a bad kristin
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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