He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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