Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize