First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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