WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
