I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
