So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
