scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize