the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
