how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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