How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
