i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize