Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
