we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
