Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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