Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
