i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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