He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
